The Abstract You: The Road to Self-Love from a 17-year old’s point of view.

Self-love is a concept that is known worldwide, spoken about by influencers, celebrities, models and so on. The term “love yourself” is what is focused on as they tell you that you should first love yourself before loving anyone else, by achieving the concept of self-love one can also achieve self-confidence and know one’s worth in order to get the best out of their lives and love without any boundaries. They give you ways you can improve your self love and teach you how to love yourself, they make it seem so simple but it isnt is it? Because we still struggle to love ourselves and we are not comfortable in our own skin. We sit scrolling through Instagram and flipping through magazines criticizing and comparing every inch of ourselves to the models on screen and on paper. Looking In the mirror becomes a daily habit as we stare questioning the way we look and asking “why can’t I look like her?”, “I hate how I look”, “why can’t I be beautiful?”. Walking on the street we analyze and rate how other people look and what features we wish to change in order to look like them.

Why do we struggle to simply love and accept who we are? Why do we always compare ourselves and try to reach the unrealistic standard of beauty that has been set? Everyone has their own journey in life and different paths to take on the road to learning to love one’s self.

In my opinion The Reason as to why we struggle with self-love is because we create an Abstract version of ourselves and we forget a very important detail: we are all Human.

Abstract – existing as an idea, feeling, or quality, not as a material object:

Truth and beauty are abstract concepts.         

The Interconnection between “love yourself “and “Atelophobia”

To love yourself means to accept yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change. It means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance.

Atelophobia is defined as the fear of not doing something right or the fear of not being good enough. In other words, it’s a fear of imperfection. (source: google chrome)

Being human we all have the desire to fit in and be accepted in society because we weren’t created to be alone in the world and during our life journey, we come across different people and we learn about who we are and what defines us, along the journey there are moments we get lost in the process of finding ourselves, if you want to change your personality or physical appearance in order for you to love yourself then do it for you and no one else but that isnt the case because we end up with Atelophobia , afraid to hear the comments, afraid because you do not knew what they see, afraid you cant get your dream job because you simply don’t match the standard they are looking  for . So, we hide behind photoshopped pictures and lose sight of the key feature which is: loving yourself for who and what you are instead we tell ourselves that we want to achieve self-love but the fear of not being good enough takes over clouding judgement and blinding all sight of all the good things making you focus on the negative until all you see is an illusion.

 Society’s Standards of Beauty

Society has been built upon the foundation of unrealistic beauty standards and unless you are up to par with the standard you are cast aside and mocked. Girls and Guys are equally pressured about this standard and struggle in trying to achieve it and it has several negative effects mainly: eating disorders, mental states and mental health issues and in serious cases suicide. When the question “What do You think about your body image?” or “What is your biggest insecurity?” is asked the answer is commonly related to one’s body image.

Size, Height, Weight, Figure, Hair, Thigh gap, Abs, Stomach size, Double chin, Chest, Facial Structure, Nose, behind are the most common answers given. In June 2018 Allure Magazine conducted an interview with girls ages 6 to 18 asking them about their body image and in December 2020 Glamour Magazine also conducted an interview where they asked guys ages 5 to 75 what their biggest insecurity is: The answers were varied but most of them were related to their body.

Due to the unrealistic standard that society has built everyone feels pressured to be accepted and afraid to be themselves among friends and family.

Self-love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.

“We’ve forgotten what a regular body looks like. There are people out there who are struggling, and I’m struggling, and it’s okay to come to terms with realizing it’s going to be a bit of a journey.”- Chrissy Teigen

Change your Mindset from Atelophobia to Eunoia

(eunoia (Ancient Greek: εὔνοιᾰ, romanized: eúnoia, lit. ‘well mind; beautiful thinking’))

By NKERU PERERA