It feels stuffy deep within

Not sure if it’s the sun or the moon

Either of them would be painful in the end..

Lowering my self esteem, increasing confidence a little… Just to hear the joyful laugh coming out of them..

Laughing along with them, but why do I feel stuffy inside… It’s trying to take over my heart, it’s trying to drown my lungs…

Like a blank canvas but only covered with black paint, hiding the colorful drawing under…makes me want to sigh…

My jaw tightens with every word spewing out, as if commanding me to stop talking… is it jealousy? It’s trying to make me act up…

The emotion anger, it seeps through my veins all over my body, forcing itself to bury in the core, why though?…

I smile in my sadness, I frown in my happiness… My sun and moon collide… is this how it feels?

The heat in me, it not normal… it wants to break free… or maybe I’m just imaging it… that is normal… right?

I want to ignore everyone, even if it’s for a moment… because I don’t know how to let myself speak…

Am I nervous? Or am I shy? Or am I ignorant? Or am I arrogant? Or- 

Think thoroughly before letting out a word, but… why does it change every time…

Yes, I want to say it… No, that’s not what I was supposed to say… no no are they angry? Or maybe sad or are they annoyed by my frequent No’s’…..

I want to keep the good thing for myself, is that selfish? I guess… and now I can only take the bad ones… hoping that the next one will get a better…